Ever since we found out that boys are actually quite tolerable, we have been analyzing our relationships with them. Right from Grade 1 when the fuzzy headed boy in the back row started throwing pencil shavings at us and we thought it was a sign that he liked us.
But even with the daily dose of Oprah, reading self-help books( Men Are From Mars..., etc.) throughout our teens and spending an equivalent of the GDP of Sweden in phone bills ‘discussing’ our love lives with our girlfriends, we somehow always manage to end up in messy relationships. So what are we doing wrong?
Well Dr. Carolyn Bushong lists these as the seven dumbest relationship mistakes that even smart people make:
1) FORCING INTIMACY: This means bieng in love with love. Men and women who force intimacy try to rush a relationship Men usually push for sexual intimacy, while women comply by having sex too soon and then try to force the emotional intimacy.
FIX IT: Well, try taking the relationship slow: keep dating others until your partner is committed to you, no sex for 5 dates minimum (not three, like they say), and keep the dates down to 1 date a week or less initially.
2) EXPECTING YOUR PARTNER TO READ YOUR MIND: ever complain about how your partner “should know” how you feel and what you want? Come to think of it, it’s not really their fault. It’s just some poor communication.
FIX IT: You need to say it out loud, what you feel, what you want, ask if they get what you’re saying, and then give them an ultimatum (tell them what you’ll do if you don’t get what you asked for). Mind you there’s a very fine line between effective communication and nagging. You’ll have to make a judgment call there.
3) PLAYING THE MARTYR: Martyrs believe that if they are good and sweet and nice and sacrificing, then they will get their reward and others will do good things for them. So they keep over giving and waiting for someone else to make their life better. But it never happens, so they become passive/aggressive and difficult to be around.
FIX IT: This may sound very hard, but try not to give more than you get.
4) THINKING YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT: The difference between self-confident and self-righteous is that when someone is truly confident, they are open to others’ ideas. BUT when someone is self-righteous, they are rigid in their thinking and afraid to listen to someone else’s point of view.
Because no one can get close to them People who think they are always right are often admired are seldom loved and cherished.
FIX IT: You must let your partner see your vulnerable side.
5) RESCUING YOUR MATE: Rescuing is a “one-upmanship” behavior that is also “controlling.” So if you are “helping” your mate, you are also looking down on him, and probably controlling their life too. That is why rescuing often causes much more resentment from our partners than gratefulness, which is what we expect, and you end up fighting a lot.
FIX IT: Try to control your own life and let your mate do the same.
6) TAKING YOUR MATE FOR GRANTED: more often than not we get too comfortable and expect our partner to be around forever. We don’t think that we have to spend quality time with them or remind them how we feel about them anymore because we ‘have them’ now, and we just don’t have the time for mushy handholding. But did you know feeling “taken for granted” is the major cause of cheating?
FIX IT: Show love and respect for your partner regularly.
7) LETTING PASSION DIE: People say passion will eventually die in any long-term relationship. It usually does, but that’s because couples allow everything, except sex, to become a priority. The only thing that keeps a “love” relationship different from any other relationship (friend, roommate, family member) is the sexual connection. So if you let that go, you are letting go of “being IN love.”
FIX IT: Try to show him often that you desire him. It may be easier said than done after being married for ten years or so, but you’ll need to work on it won’t you. I mean c’mon you couldn’t keep your hands off him when you first met him.
I know you’re not going to admit that you too have made these mistakes (trust me, no one except my best friend will hear me make a confession about this one either!) but really, these acts, these seemingly harmless little mistakes that we make, that it seems we are conditioned to make, poison some of the most precious relationships in our lives.
Well, now that you know what you are doing wrong, maybe you can salvage some of the love that sweetened your life. After all, you’re worth it!!
Via: content4reprint
